Wishing your GZ the best

Feel sad and hurt to learn that someone whom I miss had gone thru those hard and difficult days with loved ones sick. The worst thing is that I can do nothing but sitting here and writing something stupid where nobody is reading it.

I can feel your agony and sadness with loved ones in the hospital fighting their life and receiving treatment. I am shocked when I read your blog. I wanted to do something but i am not in any right to do anything. I really hope to visit him but nobody i can approach. I sincerely wish and hope that you (GZ uncle) can have a speedy recovery, becoz alot of ppl who are very concerned about you are very worrying about you. GZ uncle plz.....you must fight win the cancer and live on to enjoy your 2 lovely grandchild companion. Alot of ppl need you or rather need your attention, especially your beloved wife (gugu)whom I used to know. Although I have very little contact with her and only know that she is a very simple and down-to-earth woman and worst thing is that she like to nag on you......she is the most worrying person in this earth for you. You must get well and go back home healthy to be with your family.

I sincerely wish all the best to you in your recovery and only doing so....the one I felt for is less agony. Even if I cant be beside you consoling you, I hope your present bf can do so to lessen your pain and sadness.

All the best in your everything.....Yours Sincerly

gEnting trip

I just came back from KL and Genting. This trip is so different from the past. I used to have someone who I have to watch over and take care of when I am up there. But this time, I felt so empty when I am there. The feeling is totally different.

I wanted to live normally. I told myself to step out of the shadow that I am living with. No matter how hard I've tried, still I am trapped in my past. I used to be the driver, but I really get the have the taste of being driven around by guowei up to genting. I have finally have a taste of how those days you have being putting up with those drives up to genting. On the way there, JAy zhou's song was played and everything came back.....I feel those sweet memories we had. The feeling of depending on ONLY the both of us in a foreign country, the feeling of borrowing money from u when i lose everything, the feeling where we stood outside the hotel and hugged each other in the coldest weather. I cried my heart out in genting but only the heaven hear me. I really miss those days although we quarrel over some gambling issues but after that we are still as loving as before.

I dont enjoy the trip, I still prefer the trip with u...... The most important thing is still the old saying.
"Whatever you do is not important, the most important thing is the one beside you who is doing with"

You have found someone who you deems can depend on, I am happy for you.
What i cant give u, i hope u get those from your special him and stay happy , healthy forever.

every year this special date

i will never forget to wish you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 

时间不能冲淡一切

i always think that times can allow a person to heal their wound. But that doesnt applys to me. Every place, everything, every moment, every music and every movement or action that I do.... remind me of someone.
Keep asking myself to walk out of shadow and go forward. After a big round of trying, i find myself at the starting point of my sadness. I have no one to speak to. I have nothing to look forward to. I am still living in the shadow of the past 3 and half yrs. I miss those days but i know that going back to the past (where i really feel that i have live happily although there is alot of quarels) is simply no possible. Probably that someone already happily leading her life. I dont long for anything but just a simple wish....pls stay  healthy and happy is my sincere wishes to u and the memories of u will always stay in my deepest place in my heart for the rest of my life.
I pray to god that u really can and have met someone that can take good care of u bcoz to me... u are always so LZ.

Happiness

I am no longer long for the happiness and blissful family life that I have always expected. Looking at the situation and my age, I know where I am heading and what I will expect from the future. I dont expect much as long as those things and person that I have in my heart are doing well and stay happy and healthy, I am contented.

Those memories I had, how I wish I can have an serious concussion and forget everything. I laugh my way through, joke my rounds with friends and colleagues but I could not bluff myself that I have moved on. I live in shadow. The things I do, the places I go, even the timing I read, reminds me of something and somebody that has that impact in my life. Why cant I move on? I just cant step out of that shadow......................

Recently I knew something. I have learned that my fairy tale has changed its ending.
Gone........it has gone. I am hurt,terribly hurt........ never will expect anything in my fairy tale again.

what I want to say is......as long as you are happy and healthy, I am contented. Take care Bxx.

cant get over

tried many ways to lead a normal life but no the great impact of my emotion is I cant get over the past.
i used to be a hack care person back in those days till someone in life told me "can u put some punctuation in my sms?" Till then I realise I need to change and do my things in a serious manner.
This person has an impact in my life till now.
I will never forget what we had been through and expect nothing to be the same in future if I were to meet someone in life again. I am living in agony daily having those memories keep appearing in life.

How to....asking myself the same old question over and over again. A question with no answer that has been on and on for months. I have dreamt about her and wake up with a smile on the face unknowingly. That was so relief and happy for that spilt second but everything seems to return to it origin with no idea how to and where to find the answer to haunting question......"How to"

I need a break from everything but when come to applying leave, I found out that I have lost my most treasured, trusted and enjoyable companion in life. I have lost the meaning in going out for a holiday. I gain something but I lost something.

Only drink drunk and drank could immune me, i have really lost the meaning in life.

你不知道的事

LOST

I have lost my direction in life.....What I want to achieve seems further and further away from me.
I have lost the meaning in life.....The things I wish seems to have become the star in the universal.
I have lost the love in my life......The feeling that make me secretly laugh or smile had vanished.
I have lost the courage in life......The harder the mission is, the more I tried to avoid and not facing it.
What have I become.....I wanted to walked out the shadow of the past but just couldnt make it.
Its just like a nightmare that doesnt allow you to wake up. I am scare, numb and helpless.
No one to help, no one understand and no one rely on.
Maybe its the end...

我懷念的

no more special occasion

I wont want any celebration for any special occasion for me in future. I hate special dates as they make me feel lonesome and sucks when these dates turn out to be alone. What accompanied me today is my dear running shoes and what else? I dont want all these dates anymore, it serve no purpose to me
Fuck all special dates.

Nobody knows my intention never mind but there is no reason why this particular person does not know what my doing all these while. If still chose to self block mentally, i really speechless.